Request a Fic
by Billie Wolfgang
Summary: iKitty has hit a writing block, and wants you to help. See inside for guidelines! Rated T just in case.
1. Oddities

**A/N:** "Request-a-Fic? What nonsense is this? This had to be Kitty's doing…" You mutter quietly to yourself.

Why yes, it is my doing! Because I've hit a huge writers' block that refuses to be moved, kicked, towed, chipped, melted, or scared away, I've turned to the FanFiction community.

Yes, you!

So what I'm asking for is a prompt via review. It can be strange, fluffy, disgusting, anything. But not too disgusting. And the prompt can even be one word, as vague as possible, as detailed as you want, anything. It doesn't matter.

I do, however, have guidelines. I only do certain pairings, and here they are: Jim/Pam, Dwight/Angela, Andy/Angela (be it one-sided or not), Michael/Jan (same as Andy/Angela), Ryan/Kelly, and Michael/Holly. I will, however, do any other pairing as long as it's crack. And keep it PG13, please.

I can do two types of fics: Scripted and normal. Scripted is like this: "JIM: (opens door) DWIGHT: (screams)", or something to that effect. Normal is like "Jim opened the door. Dwight screamed like a little girl."

And anything you request will be a one-shot. If it's short, it may share a chapter with another request.

So, if you'd like to request something, click yonder review button and state your prompt, type of fic, and pairings (if wanted).

And, so this chapter isn't just an author's note, here's a request from myself: odd events in the Scranton office.

* * *

Dwight came into the office, dressed in a cloak, his face dusted in white powder. Jim snorted, but he had expected this. It was Costume Day, a holiday Michael had created even if it wasn't Halloween. Jim himself was wearing what he would normally wear, but with blue stripes going horizontally across his shirt. He was "Lined Paper Jim".

Dwight cleared his throat and climbed onto reception. Pam shot Jim a worried look, and Jim just raised his eyebrows and turned his attention to his desk mate.

"Attention everyone, I have news," Dwight announced in a loud voice. "I have given up beet farming and am now a Jedi. Jim, prepare to die." Jim's face didn't change as Dwight pulled out a lightsaber – no, not a toy, but an actual _lightsaber_ -, and pointed it at the salesman. In fact, Jim just opened up one of his desk drawers and pulled out his own lightsaber.

An epic duel commenced.

* * *

"What are my future plans for Dwight?" Jim asked the cameraman, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, the options are a: linking all his paperclips together and taking all the staples out of his stapler, b: tying a string from his phone to his mug, so when he picks up his phone, coffee gets all over his desk, c: freezing his glasses, or d: spraying him with a fire extinguisher." Jim paused as the cameraman said something off screen.

"That's…actually really good. Now, if I could get some rope and more Jell-O…"

* * *

(This is set in Season 3. JIM and KAREN are still dating, and PAM and ROY have recently gave it another shot. All four are on a double date at a nice coffee shop in Scranton. They're sitting at a square table: Jim and Karen are sitting next to each other on one side, and Roy and Pam are doing the same, but Jim and Pam are facing each other, and Roy and Karen are as well.)

PAM: So…Jim…how's it going?

JIM: What are you referring to? Life, sales, relationships, weather, Dwight…"

PAM: _(smiles)_ I'd like to choose…relationships and Dwight, please.

KAREN: _(paying no attention; fiddling with cell phone)_

ROY: _(eating a gigantic piece of cake with a cup of coffee)_

JIM: Well, Dwight thinks he's the long-lost leader of a gang in California, and as for relationships, me and Karen are fine. But…

ROY AND KAREN: _(both paying no attention)_

PAM: But what, Jim?

JIM: I kinda…

PAM: Well, I kind of have a thing for you too, Jim.

KAREN: _(finally notices the conversation)_ UGH. _(stands up; leaves)_

JIM: Oh, that's a relief, because I still love you.

ROY: Really guys? While I'm eating?

PAM: So…wanna make out now?

JIM: Totally.

BOTH: _(make out)_

ROY: Oh, hell naw. Hey Karen, wait up!

* * *

PAM AND DWIGHT: _(making out against the window of Michael's office)_

MICHAEL: _(closes the blinds)_

JIM: _(steps out of the kitchen; stops)_ …the hell?

KEVIN: _(giggling)_

ANGELA: _(snorts in disgust; goes back to work)_

CREED: _(walks out of kitchen, eating a sandwich; pats Jim on the back) _You'll get over it, kid.

JIM: _(looks at Creed; buries his face in his hands and walks back into kitchen)

* * *

_

Dwight and Angela are making out in the kitchen, on a table. With tongue. Lots of it. Jim walks in, blinks a few times, and proceeds to go into the men's bathroom and throw up all of his stomach's contents.

JIM TH: I've seen a lot of disturbing things in my life, but _that_ is one of the most traumatizing. _(rubs eyes)

* * *

_

EVERYONE (except Dwight and Michael): We love you, Michael!

DWIGHT: _(stands up)_ I don't.

* * *

MICHAEL: _(tells a funny, inoffensive joke)_

EVERYONE: _(laughs)

* * *

_

DWIGHT: No, Jim is my best friend! He was just joking with all of those pranks.

* * *

Zombies are taking over the office. Dwight is warding them off with a flamethrower, and Jim and Andy are the only ones with him, using bats and pitchforks to kill them.

"In the skull!" Dwight screamed at Andy, and the latter proceeded to stab a zombie in the head with a pitchfork. It crumpled to the ground.

Then Dwight woke up. Jim was watching him with a curious expression, but Dwight just picked up his head from his desk and opened up a Word document.

_What to do if zombies infiltrate Scranton_, he typed.

* * *

MICHAEL: God, Jim, you _suck_ at basketball!

* * *

Kelly and Ryan are making out in the kitchen. Jim walks in with Pam. Both blink, turn on their heels, and rush out.

JIM AND PAH TH

PAM: I am never walking into the kitchen without looking in the window first.

JIM: _(staring blankly off into the distance)_

_(CAMERA MAN asks Pam something)_

PAM: Oh, he looks like that when he's mentally horrified. _(pause)_ Yep, he saw something like that twice in one day. Poor guy.

* * *

Michael and Holly are in the kitchen, but not making out. They're just talking. Dwight walks in, cheers for Michael, and walks out.

* * *

**A/N: **Yep, that's it. I was going to add more making out but I decided you guys suffered enough of that already. There are four segments on making out in this chapter alone.

So, request away and I'll get on them as soon as I can.


	2. Fairy Tales

**A/N:** Hey all you boys and girls, Kitty here again. I actually got prompts on the first day this was up, and I was happy. Very happy. So I love you all. I would give you a cookie but in a Dwight and Angela way that's really gross, so enjoy this fanfic instead.

The prompt was fairy tale, requested by Emily92, with Michael/Holly. Gosh, I love those guys. So here's a fairy tale. And of course, you can't start one without the words…

* * *

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a nation that needed paper. And Dunder Mifflin was there to give them paper. Lord David Wallace ran Dunder Mifflin, and below Lord Wallace there were branches run by other Lords. This story, however, takes place in Scranton, a town in the northeast section of this nation.

Lord Michael Gary Scott ran the Scranton branch. Lord Scott was a very friendly man who preferred being called Michael by his coworkers. Now, among the castle of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, there was a Human Resources Representative by the name of Lady Hollis Flax, or rather, just Holly. Lord Scott normally despised HR, because of the last person who worked there, Sir Toby Flenderson, who liked to ruin all of Lord Scott's fun. Sir Toby, however, was on vacation in a land not so far away by the name of Costa Rica. Lord Scott learned to like HR while Holly was the Representative, though.

"Michael? Are we still hazing her?" Lord Scott gave his salesman a glare. Sir Dwight Schrute worked on the Sales Team of Scranton, and shared a desk with Sir James Halpert.

"No Dwight, God, you're so stupid. Holly is _cool_. Not like Toby, who was always ruining the fun, but she's _cool_. Got it?" Dwight looked disappointed.

"Yes, Michael." And Dwight trudged out of Michael's room and down the stairs into the Sales room. Michael sighed and rubbed his forehead. Dwight was getting annoying, seriously.

Back down in the sales room, a certain floppy-haired salesman lifted his head when Dwight came in.

"So how'd that go, Dwight?"

"That's none of your business, James." The one known as James Halpert frowned.

"I prefer Jim, you know." Dwight glared at him.

"I'll call you what I want. _Imbecile_." And he continued working. Jim shrugged and turned back to what he was working on, a game of Hearts against his computer. So far, he was winning.

Across the castle, in the Human Resources room, Toby was giving Holly the tour of the files and the castle in general.

"So, here's all the personal info, copies of birth certificates, things like that," Toby finished, pointing at a cabinet.

"And that's that. It's almost lunch time, would you like to meet the others?" Holly snapped out of her daydream and nodded absently at Toby.

Everyone trudged out of their rooms and into the courtyard out back, where they all sat down to eat lunch. Holly inhaled the fresh air gratefully; the castle was rather musty, what with all the paper lying around.

"All right, that's Jim, from sales," Toby started, pointing at a tall man leaning against the wall of the castle, grinning at something the woman in front of him was talking about. "And he's talking to Pam, from reception. You say her on the way in." Holly nodded. Jim was laughing now, and Pam looked pleased with herself.

"That's Dwight," Toby continued, and Holly saw a man in a yellow mustard shirt, eating a beet raw and watching a short blonde woman from a distance (who Holly later learned was Angela, from accounting). "He's kind of…odd, so I'd stay a distance. If you can." And Toby pointed out every person, until he came to the manager.

"And that is out boss, Lord Michael Scott." Holly noted Toby's voice sounded slightly strained, like he didn't want to introduce her to Michael. "He's…well, he doesn't really like HR, but he's like a guessing game. You never know what's next." Michael noticed them both looking at him and grinned, waving. Holly waved back.

Later, Holly leaned there was going to be a party for Toby going away. She frowned and hoped they just wanted him to have a good trip and stay safe and such, but part of her said that they, meaning mainly Michael, just wanted Toby _gone_. Personally, she couldn't blame him, but that seemed kind of rude. She shrugged it off and let Toby continue on his tour about the castle.

"So most of the day you really don't have anything to do, other than random paperwork," Toby said, pushing the door back into the HR room. "But you can you the company computers for anything, as long as you don't download anything bad and clear your history." Holly yawned.

"So it's kind of boring?" Toby nodded.

"Incredibly. And sometimes you have to listen to the others rant about things and try to do something to fix it." Pause. "But that doesn't happen often." Holly smiled.

"Good. Gives me time to catch up on that novel I was trying to finish…" And the rest of the day went by sort of the same. Michael seemed absolutely ecstatic, and although Dwight tried to put a raccoon in her office, Holly liked everyone. Dwight told her Kevin was mentally slow, so she made extra sure to help him when she could.

At the end of the day, Michael made them stay so Toby could go out with a bang. Literally. Fireworks were going off, and Andy –get this- _proposed_ to Angela. Holly couldn't help but notice the looks on Jim and Pam's faces, but couldn't quite figure out why.

The weeks wore on. All through the weight loss competition, Michael seemed to talk to her more and more, until that one day after work.

* * *

"Holly, did you notice Jim came in late _and_ dripping wet?" Michael asked, walking a bit faster to catch up with her. Holly slowed and smiled at him.

"Yeah. He was almost glowing, too. What do you think happened at lunch with Pam?" Her question was greeted with silence, and they both burst out laughing after it.

"Oh, Holly there's something I need to tell you…" Michael started a bit awkwardly. Holly tilted her head slightly.

"What be that, Lord Scott?" And with this, Michael said something in a rush that sounded an awful lot like a sneeze.

"Iloveyou." Then he actually sneezed.

"…Wait, what was that?"

"…achoo."

"But it sounded like you said 'I love you.'"

"…I did." Michael smiled, albeit awkwardly, but Holly returned it.

"So, I'm free tonight. Do you have plans? We could go get something to eat or…"

"Something to eat sounds wonderful." And then they mounted Michael's horse and rode into the sunset.

What's the moral of this story? To be honest, I'm not sure, but sneezing certainly works wonders.

* * *

**A/N:** GAH. Sorry for the rushed ending. I'm bad at ending oneshots, in all honesty. Hope I didn't ruin it too much. And I tried making it as fairy tale-ish as possible, but I ultimately failed. Sorry again.

And the whole part with Michael sneezing was not my idea, but Rissypod's idea. See how uncreative I am?


	3. Boys with GFs and Thirty Years Later

**A/N:** Children and women first! Look out, Kitty's back!

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

So, anyway, this chapter will have two. The first was requested by like2CUhappy24-7, who requested either a Meet the Parents type thing, or an angsty S3 type thing using the song _Boys with Girlfriends, _by Meiko. Personally, I'm not one for angst (or songfics), but I haven't seen all of Meet the Parents. I have, however, seen Meet the Spartans.

The second I'll be writing was requested by Kiki. At the beginning of S3, Michael and Pam agreed that if they both didn't have children in thirty years, they'd have one together. However, as of Company Picnic, Michael's dreams have been crushed. But my prompt was to expand on that, and honestly, I'm bad at friendship fics (sad, isn't it? I'm so much more trained in romance and hatred). But I tried, really.

Okay, I need to clear this up. I don't own anything except a Support the Rabid wristband. The Office is, sadly, not mine.

* * *

Pam didn't get it.

She just didn't get it.

When she heard that Scranton was merging with Stamford, she could just barely contain herself. Jim was coming back! She had called off her wedding for him, realized that Roy was wrong and he was right…

But to her surprise, Jim was taken. And Ryan had taken his desk, so she could only stare at the back of his head during the slow days, and flick paper clips over his shoulder into Dwight's coffee mug.

I could've sworn that I was yours

She wasn't quite sure why Jim was doing this to her. Maybe he was doing this absently, like he didn't know.

But of course he did. He knew everything.

'Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends

He could feel both Karen and Pam drilling holes through his skulls with their eyes alone, and he couldn't take it.

Why did he start dating Karen? To forget about Pam. But here he was, in Scranton, with Karen. After Casino Night, he felt like he couldn't face _her_ anymore. He was a coward. And that was simply it.

But he couldn't help but feel something different about how Pam looked at him now. It was definitely a change from when she was with Roy. He assumed it was just that whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' thing rearing its slightly attractive head.

But then he realized that phrase was probably more romantic than it was friendship-ic, so he cast that out of his mind.

But he couldn't help but return the look when he could.

I knew she was jealous from the start

Karen knew what had gone on between Jim and Pam. She could tell just by how they looked at each other, and she couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

Jim was hers now, back off.

But when did she start thinking like this? She dismissed the thought without coming back to it. Jim was over her. Over _her_…

But she doubted it. After Roy nearly had his eyes burned out from Dwight's mace and been promptly fired, Karen couldn't help but wonder where she had gone wrong. Jim was slipping from her, back for Pam.

She and Pam didn't get along as well after that.

But when Jim dumped her at the fountain in New York, she knew why and decided that Jim Halpert definitely wasn't right her.

Definitely wasn't right…

(**A/N:** I know, I know, not much of a songfic, but I could only fit in those three lines anyway. Please excuse my fail.)

* * *

(Keep in mind this is set a few days after Company Picnic.)

Jim and Pam both stood awkwardly in Michael's office. Jim was in the doorframe, trying to keep as much of his body out of the office, and Pam was right in front of him.

"You're serious? You're not going to press a button and confetti will burst from the ceiling, and a banner will fall that says 'Gotcha'?" Pam shook her head.

"No, Michael."

"And you're certain it's Jim's?"

"Absolutely," the salesman replied without a pause. Michael grinned, but then let it falter. Jim frowned. Michael Scott was the type of man who would explode and let everyone go home early because of this.

"Jim can I speak to Pam alone?" Jim blinked, but nodded and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

Pam took a seat in front of Michael's desk awkwardly.

"Pam, do you remember that time when Jim was in Stamford, that if both of us didn't have children in thirty years we would at least try for one?" Pam pondered this, scraping through the file cabinet of memories in her mind labeled "Michael".

"Yeah, I do. Why do you bring it up?" Michael sighed and passed a hand over her face. Pam was getting worried: Michael never acted like this.

"I was kinda sorta hoping that neither of us would at that time…" Michael frowned. "But I'm totally happy for you guys, really." They both sat in awkward silence until Pam finally spoke up.

"I'll talk it over with Jim, and if he approves, you can be the godfather." Michael's face lit up.

"R-really?" He looked like a kid at the carnival at the moment. Pam smiled.

"Really, Michael. I'm sure Jim won't mind." And at this, Michael shot up from his desk and burst out the door.

"Okay everyone, extremely important announcement!"

* * *

**A/N:** I'm sorry they were so short, it's half past midnight and even though this is when my mind works at its best, the block still remains. I shall hack at it with a sledgehammer until it budges!


	4. Emails and Halloween

**A/N:** Oh snap, watch out! Kitty's in that mood again!

I'm pleased to say that my block has moved slightly. When people are waiting for you to write something, it makes you write it a lot faster than you would if people weren't waiting.

Anyway, I must put a sappy part in this. I don't get reviews on my stories often (heck, I didn't use FF often before this), so these all make me so extremely happy. I LOVE YOU. And to that, you are supposed to respond with "My life is average."

Anyway, onto the fic.

This one'll be a double-fic again.

The first was a Dwangela (gosh, this reminds me of Bradgelina for some reason. Kelly's getting to me), requested by Strawberry Pajamas. In Email Surveillance, Dwight tells Angela to delete all emails from him. Angela keeps just one. (I must say, interesting prompt. I never would've thought of it)

The second was by Glass Confetti., who really _should_ start reviewing my fics. A Michael/Holly (seriously, what is that pairing called?) with Halloween-y fluffiness. This shall be fun.

I still don't own anything. Please don't sue me like Weird Al.

* * *

Angela stared at the single email from Dwight Schrute sitting in her folder, with the title: RE: (no title). She remembered what she had typed to Dwight in that email by heart, and his reply was always wonderful to read over and over again.

TO: Angela Martin

FROM: Dwight Schrute

TITLE: RE: (no title)

TIME: 4:50 PM

Monkey,

Jim and Pam mean nothing to me. Sure, they might just suspect of our relationship, but I have always have ways up making them stay quiet.

No, Monkey, it's just a secret. There is nothing wrong with it. It's not like you are with another man publicly, or I'm with another woman publicly. Plus, it's natural selection. You and I are made for each other. I have never doubted that for one second. And if you do, I will accept your choice, though it might be grudgingly.

By the way, delete this after you get it. Michael can watch our email now, so if he knew…

Cordially,

Dwight Schrute

Assistant (**A/N: **to the) Regional Manager

Angela, however, never did delete it permanently. She moved it to her personal email from her work email and deleted the original copy. Now Michael would never find out.

In all honesty, Angela really wasn't the tight-ass everyone thought she was.

* * *

(Okay, imagine a year from Employee Transfer. Holly transferred on Halloween, and this time of year now reminds him of her.)

Halloween was Michael's favorite time of year. But this Halloween, he didn't feel like dressing up. Holly had transferred a year ago. Besides, his creativity had left him. As soon as Holly and him had just gotten serious, she was gone.

Michael let out a long, withdrawn sigh and looked around his condo. It was really empty, he realized at that moment, and he knew what he wanted to do.

Changing out of his nightclothes and into some more casual daytime clothes (with his jeans; his jeans were necessary), he grabbed some cans of Red Bull from his pantry, printed something off the Internet, and climbed into his car.

It was a long drove to Nashua. Six hours, to be exact. Michael looked at his watch. 6 PM. That meant that if he started now, he would get there at midnight on October 31st. Michael grinned, thinking this was the ultimate plan, and started up his car.

Red Bull really did give you wings. Despite that his stubble was growing back again and he would probably appear like some sort of hobo at Holly's door, he kept driving. He turned on the radio, only to find that "Life is a Highway" was on again, and quickly shut it off.

As he came to the city limits of Nashua, Michael couldn't help but feel excited. A few months had passed since Michael had seen Holly in person at the Company Picnic. He had so much to tell her…

But what if that butthead AJ had proposed? Michael scowled and leaned over his steering wheel, casting out the thought quickly. Gotta stay positive.

Too soon, Michael arrived outside Holly's home. He turned off the engine and sighed, looking up at the single window that was lit. She did always liked to stay up late…

Holly yawned. She really did want to go to sleep, but she just couldn't. Her book had gotten really interesting, and her thoughts kept flicking back from AJ to Michael. Her relationship with AJ ended a month after the company picnic. She wasn't sure how it happened, but it had.

A noise interrupted her thoughts. Was that the doorbell? Moving slowly, she pulled her blanket around her shoulders and walked out of her room and down the stairs.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, the door opened. Michael grinned at seeing her in her night clothes, with her hair disheveled and looking awfully tired.

"Michael," Holly managed. Without a word Michael stepped forward and hugged her. She hugged back, and immediately felt less tired.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly when they let go of each other.

"It's been too long," Michael murmured, and stepped into her home. Holly didn't object, but followed him and closed the door.

-----

"Yeah, when Michael came back, it was like Jan all over again," Jim said to the camera in a talking head interview. "I'm pretty sure he just drove over to Nashua to make out with Holly." Jim paused. "Except he's even happier this time around. He's never let me sleep at my desk before. Michael should start driving to Nashua more often."

(**A/N:** Sorry for the failure of epic proportions that was the ending to this. I thought it would be appropriate, though.)


End file.
